Best Beauty Products of 2017

Since I wrote about my top 10 beauty products of 2016 last year, I decided to keep the party going with my favorite products of 2017.

I was like, "hmmm, I've barely tried enough stuff this year to even make a list of favorites" but then I started writing and realized, oh right - I'm kind of a product junkie. Even during a year where I felt like I'd tried nothing new, I still had 10 favorites. Oops.

Christmas Wish List 2017

1. Zak Designs Confetti Plates in Mint

2. Robin Le Riche Smash the Patriarchy T-Shirt

3. Lemons Necklace

4. Cou Cou Suzette Glittery Eye Socks

5. Nemat Fragrances Amber Perfume Oil

6. Rainbow Kitchen Utensil Set

7. Urban Decay Naked Skin Shapeshifter Palette

8. ILNP Holographic Nail Polish

9. China Glaze x My Little Pony Nail Polish in Cutie Mark the Spot

10. Witch Doll Sticker Set

11. Laser Kitten 'I'm Right on Top of That, Rose' Pin

12. Happy Pills Earrings

13. Naturalizer Wonda Chelsea Boots 

14. Mermaid Tail Blanket

15. Pentel Art Aquash Watercolor Brushes

16. Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters by John Waters

17. Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay

18. We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby

19. Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002 by David Sedaris

20. Boogie Daze Duffel Bag

21. Minimalist Hair Clip Set

What are you excited to give and to gift this season?

25 Weirdest "Sexy" Halloween Costumes

As someone who delights in Halloween costumes (I'm all up in your instagram feeds creepin' your costume, stranger), I am continuously baffled by a number of "sexy" costumes each year. As I've mentioned before, there are just some things that do not need to be sexed up. Scrabble boards come to mind.

Please know that I'm not dismissing any costume on the basis of merely being sexy (honestly, get it girl!), but I am dismissing it on the basis of being a shitty (in one case, literally) costume. The idea that someone purposely designed these costumes is not only surprising, but a true waste of time. You only get so many hours in your life...how many of them should you commit to drafting a sexy mustard bottle? Just a thought.

Please enjoy some of the weirdest "sexy" costumes I've seen this year:

Sexy Poop Emoji Costume

The first issue is that they've put the words "sexy" and "poop" right there next to each other in the title. There are so many damn emojis...why this? The nose pinch really seals it for me. A sexy costume? Fine, great. A poop emoji costume? Yeah, sure whatever. A sexy poop emoji costume? NO, THANK YOU.

Sexy Rosie the Riveter Costume

You may know Rosie as a feminist icon that represents the power and resilience of women, but have you ever been acquainted with her sexier side?! Who even knew she had a tush! Here we were stupidly talking only of her brains and strength. Finally, someone saw fit to revamp Rosie for the male gaze. Maybe they could do Ruth Bader Ginsburg next?!

Sexy Jane Doe/Body Bag Costume

What's sexier than an unknown corpse? You can wear this micro mini body bag, which does zip all the way up to cover your head, to show everyone that your name and face simply do not matter. There's even a handy toe tag inexplicably worn around the neck! It's a good thing violence against women is so rare and taken so seriously that we're able to joke about it. Oh wait.

Sexy Remote 'Control Her' Costume

No, you're not adrift in a channel surf - this costume really does say "control her." For suuuure a dude designed this, and was certain to add adorable details like the good girl/bad girl toggles and the hotness level changer. Comedy! Misogyny aside, this is just a bad costume: presumably, as a remote, all of her "buttons" would be meant for pressing, so why is there a specific "press" button on her head? Additionally, if she is a remote control, why does the costume include a garter with a strapped on remote control?! Is this her child? Is she an adult remote babysitting a toddler remote? Is this a remote to control the remote? We need - no, deserve - to know.

Sexy Mustard Costume

I don't know if it's the associated hot dog imagery that's supposed to make this costume sexy, but I'm just not quite getting it. This is one of the rare brand name licensed costumes, but it really feels like it wasn't worth the paperwork to finalize this deal. Never has mustard, let alone yellow mustard, felt or been sexy. Like, maybe one of those grainy deli mustards if it's paired with a beautiful charcuterie, maybe. But never yellow. Never.

Sexy Edward Scissorhands Costume

Oops, did I say the trademarked name Edward Scissorhands? I meant Sexy Creepy Scissor Sweetie, which is obviously just as catchy. I feel compelled to point out that this is not what Edward looked like at all. Though he did have wild black hair and scissors for hands, he didn't wear a gartered romper covered in tiny images of scissors, if you can believe it.

Sexy Shark Attack Costume

Not a sexy shark costume, a sexy shark attack costume. They could've easily omitted the dripping blood and made a shark costume, which would've been perhaps dull, but not baffling. If I am to believe this costume, she has been consumed by said shark right up to her stomach, though strangely her left arm has been spared. For someone in her shoes (btw, was she wearing those heels in the ocean?) she seems pretty calm about everything. The description says "take a bite out of your delicious prey" which leaves me wondering if I accidentally wandered onto a costume website for sharks?

Sexy Fake News Costume

Man, what a bummer. It must be nice to feel so detached from the world that you can already joke about this concept, but honestly I'm just not there yet. Don't do it.

Sexy Bomber Girl Costume

Yiiiiiikes. This costume is going for a retro pin-up vibe, but we really can't ignore that they're suggesting you dress up as a sexy bomber, aka a combat aircraft used to, you know, bomb people. The 'patriotic' message is a little tainted here, no matter how many spinning propellers you add to that bra. The description even says you won't have a problem "finding allies in this jaw-dropping outfit" so there's no denying the creepy war message. There are plenty of bomb/blast puns in the description too, so don't worry. LOL?

Sexy Yoda Costume

Or as they call it, "Sexy Galaxy Gremlin Costume." It's kind of harsh to call Yoda a gremlin, but it's even harsher to suggest this is an acceptable way to dress as him. For one, why are there eyes right above her eyes? This is limited edition, but the kicker? "Robe and hat not included." Which, I mean, that's almost impressively ballsy. So I guess this is technically a limited edition brown bikini? Cool.

There were so many others I'd hate to leave out so here are the honorable mentions:

Convicted Cutie Costume

Suuuuuper clever, bro.

Sexy Goldfish Costume

Ummm, are people supposed to be attracted to fish now?

Sexy Snapchat Filter Costume

You just know they're gonna do the filter over the costume.

Sexy Twizzlers Costume

I'm sorry, I just find Red Vines sexier.

Sexy American Flag Costume

Because why not at this point, right?

Sexy Circus Elephant Costume 

But why is the "big top" on the bottom?

Sexy Brian from Family Guy Costume

Perfect way to attract that dude who sucks.

Sexy Vodka Costume

Maybe not the best idea in this political climate?

Sexy Reality Star in the Making Costume

Gee, I wonder who this is referencing?

Sexy Girl Scout Costume

Lesson #1: No "sexy" costumes of children. Non negotiable!

Sexy Babe the Blue Ox Costume

This sure is awfully specific.

Sexy Jiminy Cricket Costume

The costume that literally no one is looking for.

Sexy Pizza Rat Costume

Cutting edge internet joke.

Sexy Statue of Liberty Costume

Because god forbid there be a single American women who isn't sexualized.

Sexy Yoshi Costume

Continuing the grand tradition of character-eating-head costumes.

What's the worst costume here? 
What bad costumes have you seen this year?

Top 10 Red Lipsticks for Valentine's Day

...or any day, really, because red lipstick is appropriate for any situation. You might be thinking 'who needs ten red lipsticks?' and I'll tell you right away that your instincts are correct - you actually need way more than ten. Kidding! Kind of. Judging from this selection, I obviously have some kind of lipstick-shaped hole in my soul that I'm trying to fill, but you might find yourself with just one classic, made-for-you red in your collection, and that's totally cool too. Also, what's self restraint like? 

From lightest to darkest, here are my top 10 red lipsticks for Valentine's Day!

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream in Morocco

Mmmm, I love a Soft Matte Lip Cream! Smells like a vanilla cupcake dream, goes on smooth and opaque, and wears light as a feather. This is a perfect warm toned red with a great orange tint that's super bold, but still easy to wear.

Colourpop Ultra Matte Lip in Succulent

This shade is a perfect coral-red that manages to be both bright and muted at the same time. You get a true matte finish (and the dryness to match) and the wear is pretty good too. The color is the best part, though, and I've yet to find something else quite the same as this unique shade.

Wet n Wild Lipstick in Purty Persimmon

Wet n Wild Meglast lipsticks are the old faithfuls of the drugstore - they're less than two bucks, super comfortable to wear, come in a large range of great colors and stay put for hours. Purty Persimmon is a lovely orange-red shade that I always get excited to pop on. This is the lipstick that showed me I like warm toned reds too!

Revlon Lipstick in Fire & Ice

A serious classic! This shade is from the olden days of lipstick, basically, and there's a reason it has stood the test of time - it's gorgeous! Such a lovely color that tends to skew warm toned, but somehow seems to work on everyone I've ever seen wear it? You need this.

Rimmel Provocalips in Kiss Me You Fool

I don't know how many more ways I can say this: I'M IN LOVE WITH RIMMEL PROVOCALIPS. Sorry for shouting, but if you still haven't tried these, I don't know what I can do with you. They're the best, last forever, the end. This is the bright cherry red from the range, and I'm telling you - if you need an all day red lip that you can eat pizza and, like, brush your teeth in, this is that red.

MAC Lipstick in Russian Red

There's just something about a smooth tube of MAC lipstick! This is my favorite red from the brand, but I know that's a hot button issue. Are you a Ruby Woo gal? Okay, let's take this outside! JK, don't hit me plz. The cool toned Russian Red has my heart (bringing in this theme nicely!) but honestly all MAC reds are iconic for a reason!

NARS Velvet Matte Lip Pencil in Cruella

I didn't know this would change my red lipstick life, but it kinda did! Among literally every red I wear, this is the one that, when I slip it on, looks the smoothest, prettiest and just all around Photoshopped-on-my-lips-est. It's matte, but not too matte and I never even feel it on my lips. It's a great neutral to cool-leaning red that applies like a dream and treats your lips right.

Revlon Matte Balm in Standout

This one is a sleeper hit! It's very similar to MAC Russian Red, with a cool toned hue and matte finish, but it also has a moisturizing quality, complete with minty zing, that you're not going to find in most other lipsticks. I struggle getting a crisp line with it, but it applies so easily and feels so comfortable it's kinda worth it.

Rimmel Provocalips in Play With Fire

See above, and approximately 1,009,342 other blog posts to see how much I love Provocalips. This is a deeper, more cool toned red from the range and I love it just as much as the other red shade. I tend to pull this out for a more dramatic look, but you'd be good with whichever red you like more. Let Provocalips change your life!

Maybelline Lipstick in Smoking Red

Yass, a deep red that goes on opaque in one swipe! You've really done it, Maybelline. I can't tell you how many times in my life I've bought and tossed so called 'black cherry' lipsticks when they go on patchy and pathetic. This is a bit lighter than those shades, but it does the job of coloring my lips evenly. Luckily, it also feels comfortable and lasts, keeping me coming back swipe after swipe.

Red Lipstick Swatches

See? Duh, they're all v. different, thank you.

What's your favorite red lip color? Have you tried any of these? Wanna fight me over the top MAC red lipstick?

BEAUTY: Top 10 Beauty Products of 2016

Okay, for real? 2016 was not the greatest. Perhaps you've heard? Putting that aside for a moment (we all need a break from the fear/anger/uncontrollable googling sometimes, right?), I want to reflect on the best beauty products I found this year. Some are new, some are just new to me, but they all nestled their way into my heart in 2016 and look like they won't be moving out in 2017, either. 

In no particular order...

L'oreal Voluminous False Fiber Lashes Mascara 

in Blackest Black Waterproof

I want to shed a tear from how much I love this stuff, and I can do so comfortable because this little baby is waterproof! Take it from a frequent casual crier! I've worked my way through drugstore mascaras (there was even a spreadsheet involved at one point. whatever.) and I'll never stray again. Gold mirrored packaging? OKAY. The brush is ever so slightly angled, and the old school bristles (no silicone here) taper from large to smaller toward the tip. You get a realistic fanned-out falsies look, and the dry formula holds a curl all damn day. It's one of those love-at-first-swipe mascaras - I don't know why I never hear about this stuff because it's the actual best.

Colourpop Super Shock Shadow in Weenie

Weenie on the left!

Honestly, I don't know if there's another eyeshadow I wore more often in 2016 than this! It's perfect for a quick swipe of color, or a full on metallic sheen in-your-face kinda eye. The rose gold shade is over-the-top pigmented and flatters many skin tones. Did I mention this is the softest eyeshadow I've ever swiped my finger across? Well, IT IS. Read more about my love for this eyeshadow here.

NYX Micro Brow Pencil in Ash Brown

The search is over! I've tried gels, creams, other pencils - even high end ones - but there's just something about this one. The pencil is very thin, giving you the ability to draw tiny hair-like strokes and define the border of a brow without looking like you took a Crayola to your face. This shade is dead on for me, and I love that it's a true ashy color - no secret red tinge here! I've already bought this like four times, guys. IT'S THE ONE!

Skinfood Salmon Darkcircle Concealer Cream in #1

My sister opened my eyes (face pun!) to this Korean wonder product and I'm so glad she did! The texture is super creamy, so it never accentuates dryness around your eyes, or pulls your skin when you pat it in. In fact, it totally moisturizes that area, leaving a smooth and perfectly blended finish that works wonders in brightening up your skin. The pigmentation is great, and I kind of feel like this tub will last forever, which I'm totally fine with.

Wet n Wild Contour Palette in Dulce de Leche

This is a real score, because I bought on a whim when it was on sale for, like, less than two bucks. The powder is soft and blend-able (though you'll be on fallout patrol) and the shade is pretty perfect for me. I was used to a very cool-toned contour, and thought this might be a hair too warm-toned, but it turned out to be just what I needed. The staying power has been good for me, and I grab this guy almost every time I do my makeup. Worth it for the contour shade alone!

NYX BB Cream in 02 Natural

Ugh. Choosing face makeup is hard. When I needed a new go-to, days of research and review scouring left me overwhelmed. I impulse purchased this, and ended up digging it a lot. All that obsessive research went unused, and things still ended up great. I feel like there's a lesson I'll refuse to learn in there somewhere. This BB is the perfect skin-melding formula to even out tones, and (mostly) cover blemishes, but not look or feel mask-like at all. I never feel it! You can clumsily slap it on with your fingers or carefully blend it with a foundation brush, and either way it seems to dissolve into your face within minutes, making you look like a clearer version of yourself. Gotta note that the shade range is criminal - three similar-looking colors for fair to light-medium skin, which is bullshit and dismissive. I happen to fit right in the middle of their range, but they still lose a point for this.

Milani Everyday Eyes Palette in Bare Necessities

I've already told you how much I dig this palette, and my feelings remained strong throughout '16. Just a perfect neutral eye palette, with excellent pigmentation, and some serious shimmer in several shades. With the addition of metallic gold you can do something a little more glam too, and you'll be hard pressed to find a day that this palette doesn't give you exactly what you need (at least when it comes to eyeshadow). 

Maybelline The Loaded Bolds Lipstick in Smoking Red

Anyone who's into lipstick doesn't need any more red lipsticks - I'm sure there's a scientific theory about this - but I grabbed this anyway because it's slightly different than my other reds. It's a vampy deep red, yet still bright and easy to wear. Not quite a black cherry, but definitely not a cherry red (not a girl, not yet a woman), this shade falls flatly in between those two different, yet confusingly similar-sounding, shades. It's opaque in one swipe and creamy enough not to dry you out. It's perfect for fall because it's basically the color of autumn leaves and magic. For a cheap thrill that turns into more, you can't really beat it.

Tocca Perfume Rollerball in Florence

I picked up a pack of four Tocca mini rollerballs hoping I'd love one, but it turned out I loved them all! Florence has been the standout, though, and the sweet mix of bergamot and gardenia gives me this instant feeling of nostalgia and happiness that I can't quite place. I have no memories associated with this scent, but somehow it tricks me into thinking I do! I still have more than half of this mini left, but I'd be open to upgrading to full size when the time comes.

Maroma Perfume Oil in Night Jasmine

This was a random find at a local hippie store that sells eco-friendly toothpaste alongside fresh eggs from chickens down the street. I guess you could say I wasn't looking for perfume there. When I smelled this oil, though, I was instantly flooded with the memory of a garden I played in as a child. The memory had been trapped in my brain and this shook it free! This is a sweet, sultry jasmine and it usually makes people tell me that I smell good, which is always a bonus.

My pretties...

What were your top beauty products of 2016?
What cool stuff will you be hunting down in 2017?